


The Adventures of Peter Parker: Asgard Edition

by borkybarnes



Series: The Adventures of Peter Parker [2]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Asgardian tech, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Loki and Thor are brothers only, Loki is a savage, Otherwise known as Peter gets roasted for a second time, Peter is not, Peter visits Asgard, Shuri comes in chapter 2, The Enchantress from the comics, Tony dropped him off, Valkyrie is a savage, a bit of fighting, not graphic at all, oh look a whole new squad to roast Peter, thor is a savage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 18:27:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14574975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borkybarnes/pseuds/borkybarnes
Summary: Peter, having left Wakanda, isn't sure how he's supposed to deal with Asgard next, which is filled with new technology and literal gods who could smite him at any time.The food better be damn good there.





	1. Chapter 1

“Don’t touch that,” Thor said as Peter reached for the golden sword. “That’s Hofund.”

“Gesundheit,” Peter said. When Thor snorted, Peter quickly added, “But seriously, what’s a Hofund?”

“The key to the Bifrost Bridge.” Loki appeared right beside Peter, smirking as the teen yelped. Thor sighed with a small smile on his face. Peter had never gotten a good look at Loki, the God of Mischief and Chaos, who nearly destroyed Manhattan under Thanos’s influence. He expected nothing less than the man in front of him, all clean, sharp lines, even down to the Asgardian suit he wore.

“W… what’s the Bifrost Bridge?”

Loki sighed through his nose, muttering something about “ignorant mortals” under his breath. Thor softly nudged him and explained, “It’s essentially a rainbow portal to Asgard. Just… just don’t touch anything I don’t approve of.”

“A-alright.” 

“Ah.” Loki laughed. “You used to be more fun, brother.”

“There’s a time for everybody to change, I suppose.” Thor grinned, throwing an arm around Loki, who pushed Thor’s arm off with no hint of animosity behind it. “You can leave your bag here, Peter,” Thor said. 

“Oh! Where… where are we going?”

“Around Asgard, of course.” Thor’s smile faltered. “It’s… not as beautiful as it used to be. After Hela came, it…”

“What’s up with your face?” The gates opened, revealing a small woman with a large bottle of beer in hand. She waved the bottle around, took a swig after, and looked at Peter. “Who’s the kid?”

“I’m not… a kid… I’m fifteen.”

“Wow. You’re right –– scratch that. You’re an infant.”

“Peter,” Thor said, “this is Valkyrie.” 

That was it. Thor didn’t offer anything else. Peter frowned but stuck out his hand. “Peter Parker. It’s nice to meet you.”

Valkyrie glanced down at his hand and snorted, clearly disgusted, drinking a bit more beer instead of shaking it. She held her finger up, tipping her head back to empty the whole bottle. She finished and hauled her arm back, ready to throw the beer bottle. Thor grabbed her arm before she had a chance to launch it at Peter. 

Loki sighed and piped up, “You’ll learn that she’s quite rough around the edges.”

Valkyrie clicked her tongue. “Careful,” she said. “I’m feeling in the mood for beating a god into a pulp.”

“I’ll pass, thanks,” Loki said. “And you already did that.”

Valkyrie laughed, tossing the bottle into the trash can. “So,” She said to Thor, “Are you babysitting him?”

“Not exactly. Stark thought it would be a good idea to give him a ‘worldly experience’. Asgard’s the second destination.”

“Shouldn’t it be otherworldly experience if he’s looking at Asgard?” Loki asked.

Thor shrugged, patting Peter’s shoulder. “Let’s go.” He looked to his brother and Valkyrie. “Joining us?”

“I’ve nothing better to do,” Loki said. “Why not?”

“I’ll tag along,” Valkyrie said. “But only to watch the kid make a fool of himself.”

“How do you know I’d do that?” Peter asked, indignant. 

Valkyrie motioned to his whole body. “Look at you.”

Thor sighed and the gates leading to Asgard opened. “Come along, Peter,” he said. “Let us explore.”

Asgard was still beautiful, despite the havoc Hela had wreaked. Sure, vines still climbed up half-crumbled towers and some fields laid barren, but there were still sprawling grounds, finely tailored clothing, the market place –– it made Peter feel like he was in the medieval times, just without all the not-living-past-age-40 and the Black Plague.

“King Thor!” Citizens greeted him cheerfully, bowing. A little less jovial, but nonetheless happy, Asgardians called out, “Hello, Prince Loki! Brunnhilde!”

“Who’s Brunnhilde?” Peter asked.

“Me,” Valkyrie said. “But you’re not going to call me that. Got it, kid?”

“Y… yeah.”

“You’re scaring him,” Thor cut in.

Loki sighed, “Why must you ruin all the good fun?” 

“For once, you and I agree on something,” Valkyrie snorted. “I need another drink.”

Peter listened to the three Asgardians, slightly envious of their relationship –– banter-based and carefree. It reminded Peter of the Avengers, only more Shakespearean.

The market was the place to be. People loitered and mingled, comfortable in the ambience of their realm. Valkyrie said, “I’m going to go look for the alcohol stand.”

“Loki, make sure she doesn’t drink too much,” Thor said.

Loki scoffed, “Please. You think I have the power to stop that woman? You overestimate me.”

Thor rolled his eye.

“Hello, young man,” a merchant called from behind her stall. She was beautiful, Peter realized, but it was an unreal kind of beauty that scared Peter. 

She motioned to her table. “I’ve got a beautiful selection of baked goods for you to try! Here! Have a free sample.”

She handed Peter a pastry coated in jam. His stomach growled. It smelled delicious, and he couldn’t resist, even with the sinking feeling in his gut. It was like some outside force was lifting the treat up to his lips. As Peter was about to bite in, Thor grabbed his wrist. “What’re you doing?”

Peter paused, glanced down at the pastry, and looked back up at Thor. “Eating this?”

Loki snatched the baked good and sniffed it, expression darkening. “W-what’s going on?” Peter asked.

“Poison,” Loki announced, throwing the baked good down. “This jam’s made of poison berries. Isn’t that right, Amora?”

The merchant clicked her tongue, batting her eyes all too nicely. “I’ve never heard of that name!”

“Give it up,” Loki said, summoning his daggers. 

“Amora?” Thor echoed. “As the Enchantress?”

The merchant’s smile wavered and her brow twitched. “I really have no idea what you’re talking––” A sword pressed against her neck.

“I’ve heard stories of you. I’ve fought you.” Valkyrie’s grip on the sword hilt tightened. “And I don’t like you.”

The Enchantress sighed and hissed, “This royal family’s been a particular thorn in my side.” She pointed a finger at Thor and snarled, “Especially you.” She sent a beam of green energy towards Thor. He dodged, but the stream wrapped around and hit him from the back, propelling the god through a few wooden stands. Peter swung by, grabbing an elderly woman who was close to the Enchantress and bringing her far away. 

“Thank you, young man,” she said, frail voice trembling. 

“No problem!” Peter made his way back to the Asgardians as the Enchantress sent Valkyrie flying with a quick flick of the wrist. 

Valkyrie skidded to a halt, pressing her heels down to stop herself. The Enchantress’s magic glowed green and bright at her fingertips. And just like that, the calm atmosphere of Asgard became utter chaos. The citizens who were enjoying the market place fled, some dropping their basket of goods. Peter watched them but the Asgardian trio paid the terrified crowds no mind, focused on the Enchantress.

She swept her arm in an arc, sending a stall hurtling for Peter. He dove out of the way easily, and Valkyrie’s eyebrows raised. “Huh. Guess you’re not going to be useless after all.”

The Enchantress narrowed her eyes and, as if really observing Peter for the first time, said, “You’re not Asgardian.”

“No… I’m a New Yorker.” Peter cringed at the line and Valkyrie laughed. That sounded way better in his head.

The Enchantress cackled cruelly, wordlessly casting spell after spell at them. She tossed a ball of glittering energy at Loki, who caught it and fired it back. She deflected and clicked her tongue. “I much preferred when you were on my side, Loki.”

He flinched and didn’t meet her eyes, throwing another energy orb back. It dissipated before it touched the Enchantress and she laughed. “Your attacks won’t work on me.”

Valkyrie and Thor were trying their best to hit her. Lightning crackled around Thor, encircling his arms like chains. She grinned sardonically at him, her magic swirling around her. “What’s the deal with this lady?” Peter asked. 

“She,” Thor said, breathing heavily, “is one of our greatest enemies. She has too much power and an extensive knowledge of magic.”

Valkyrie growled, “She trapped my soul in a crystal once.”

Thor clenched a fist. “She’s defeated me once. When I gathered my strength again, I exacted my revenge on her and banished her to a forest in Norway.”

“Well, it looks like she’s back,” Loki said. 

Thor shot a bolt of lightning at the Enchantress, who yawned and sent it whirling for Peter. He rolled out of the way. There was no way his web shooters could work against her.

Loki thought otherwise, apparently.

“Spider,” he said, grabbing Peter as Valkyrie charged, jumping with her sword in hand. He pulled them behind an almost ruined stand. “Your webs. Use your webs to bind her body and gag her mouth. She won’t be able to cast enchantments.”

“If she sees them, we’re—”

“—out of options,” Loki finished hastily. He made a cord of green magic, tying it like a lasso. “Thor, Valkyrie, and I will be distracting her. You go around the back.” Loki ran out, whipping the cord. The lasso loop caught the Enchantress’s wrist. 

She scowled, grasping one end and tugging it. Loki resisted the pull, digging his heels into the ground. “Come now,” she cooed, trying a different method. “Come, Prince Loki.” The way she said the words made Peter want to throw up.

Loki’s eyes were starting to glaze over. “Brother!” Thor hollered, lightning still cracking. He turned his attention back to the Enchantress. Peter ducked behind various stalls in various conditions, making his way around her. Clouds began to form overhead as Thor got angrier and more determined. Valkyrie’s blade finally made contact the Enchantress’s hand and she released the cord. Loki’s eyes returned to normal.

Peter was in position, perched on top of a sturdier stand. He pushed his sleeves up, checked his web shooters, and fired. 

“What’s this sticky white fluid?” the Enchantress asked, rage overpowering her blase expression. 

Valkyrie snorted. “I bet you’ve seen a lot of that.”

Per Loki’s directions, Peter shot a web and sealed her mouth shut. Then, he fired more webs rapidly, effectively weighing her down. Peter jumped on top of stalls, racing to see the results. She snarled and pounded her fist on the ground, Loki’s magic lasso still secured around her wrist. 

Loki gripped the other end. Thor’s lightning settled down, small bolts still crackling with electricity around Thor’s hands. He asked, “Brother, would I be able to send lightning down this?” He tapped the cord.

Loki smirked. “Why don’t we experiment, brother.”

Thor grinned at the title as his fingers curled around the magic line and sent a powerful shock down it.

Peter glanced at the Enchantress, passed out from the electrical shock. “My work is done here.”

As he turned around, Valkyrie cackled and Peter’s face warmed. That sounded much better in his head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry this was so late! Hope you all enjoy it, and I promise that I’ll be more punctual.

Shuri stood by the Bifrost Bridge activation port, marvelling at the Asgardian technology. She grinned at Thor. “Much more impressive than most of Earth’s.”

 

“Agreed, Lady Shuri,” Thor said. “Midgardians are far behind Asgard, with Wakanda as the outlier, of course.”

 

Shuri sighed happily, examining Hofund. “I could stay here all day.”

 

“Hey!” Peter whined, motioning to the gold sword. “Why does she get to touch it and I don’t?”

 

“That’s because she won’t drop it,” Loki said, walking through the opened gates. He bowed his head to Shuri. “It’s a pleasure to meet the Princess of Wakanda.”

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet the Prince of Asgard.” Shuri mimicked his movement, grinning and turning to Thor. “And the King.” 

 

Peter rolled his eyes at the royal squad and turned back to Thor. “What did you do to the Enchantress, anyways?”

 

Thor rubbed his temples and huffed. “She’s in a Jotunheim prison, locked up tight. Hopefully she never comes back.”

 

“Yeah, she was not fun,” Peter said. “Like, at all.”

 

Valkyrie came back from the market, two bottles in each hand. “What an astute observation, kiddo.” 

 

Loki snorted and Shuri actually laughed loudly. Valkyrie looked at her. “Who’s the new one?”

 

“Valkyrie,” Thor said, “this is Princess Shuri of Wakanda.”

 

“I’m just called Shuri.” Shuri smiled at Valkyrie and held her hand out. “It’s nice to meet you.”

 

Valkyrie tucked two bottles under her arm and shook Shuri’s hand. Peter threw his own in the air. “Are you  _ freaking  _ kidding me?”

 

“Oh no,” Valkyrie said. “The infant’s cursing. No, bad child.”

 

Peter, for the millionth time in his life, wondered aloud, “Why me?”

 

Shuri nodded at Valkyrie’s sheathed sword. “Can I take a look at that?”

 

“Her name’s Dragonfang,” Valkyrie said, unbuckling the sheath from her hip and handing it to Shuri. “Best weapon in Asgard.”

 

“No way, Stormbreaker’s way better!”

 

“Please,” Valkyrie snorted, grinning amicably. Thor nudged her playfully as Shuri took the sword out, in awe of the runes etched across the face of the blade. Valkyrie proudly said, “A wizard carved it from the tusk of an extradimensional dragon. It’s the last of its kind.”

 

“That’s  _ awesome _ .” Shuri ran her fingers along the flat of the sword. Excitedly, she showed Valkyrie her gauntlets and kimoyo beads around her wrists. “I invented both of these.”

 

“Nice.” Valkyrie lifted Shuri’s arms up, inspecting the pieces of tech. “I have gauntlets like these that pilot a ship. What do they do?”

 

Shuri moved her arm away, stuck out her palm, and a bead rolled into it. Okoye’s holographic image popped up and she greeted them with a bland, “What?”

 

“Just showing a friend how the beads work. Bye, General.” Okoye’s face disappeared and Shuri said, “That’s the communication bead. And there are other beads like the medical bead and the AV bead.” She bounced on her toes as she showed Valkyrie the gauntlets. “These shoot bursts of energy.” 

 

“Wicked,” Valkyrie said, grinning. “We should get those too.” Pointedly, she looked at Thor, who ignored her in turn. 

 

“Well, well,” Loki said. “I don’t think that Princess Shuri would like to be trapped inside all day. Let’s show her around, shall we?”

 

“Because that went so well last time,” said Peter dryly. 

 

Thor sighed, shaking his head. He pat Peter on the back. “Positivity is the key to success.”

 

“That’s wrong,” Loki replied. “Cunning is the key.”

 

“You’re both wrong,” Valkyrie said. She tapped Dragonfang. “Weapons and alcohol are the keys.”

 

“This conversation has devolved,” Loki pointed out, crossing his arms.

 

“Most correct, brother!” Thor said, the gates to Asgard opening. Peter was getting intense deja vu with the fantasy-esque landscape of the realm. He swore that he was jumping down the Bifrost Bridge himself if anything happened like yesterday.

 

Shuri surveyed the market place’s damage and sighed. “I know Peter explained this to me… but what the hell went on?”

 

“Some crazy magic lady tried to kill us,” Peter said. That was the gist, at least. 

 

Shuri made a face before she looked up and pointed excitedly. “Is that one of your aircraft?”

 

Peter followed her gaze, staring in awe at what looked like a Viking longship lifting into the air. Thor nodded. “That one’s armed with thirty cannons and ten missile launchers.”

 

“Amazing,” Shuri said, bouncing on her toes. She glanced at the three Asgardians. “Can we go to the hangar and look at more of them?”

 

“Sure,” Valkyrie said. “Come with me.”

 

Loki mumbled, “Pretty sure she was talking to us.”

 

Valkyrie whirled around, Dragonfang unsheathed and in hand. “What was that?”

 

“Nothing.” Thor laughed at his brother’s sudden fear.

 

“Alright!” Valkyrie and Shuri scurried off ahead, moving fast to the aircraft hangar. Thor, Loki, and Peter trailed behind –– clearly not as psyched. As they passed the market, which still had black streaks where the Enchantress’s magic and Thor’s lightning had hit. Peter lifted his sleeves, examine his shooters. Better to be safe than sorry.

 

Two guards outside the hangar bowed to Thor and Loki, and they saluted Valkyrie. The guards pressed a button and the doors of the hangar seemed to evaporate. Peter gaped and followed the Asgardian trio and Shuri inside. The hangar was deceptively small from the outside, no larger than an airplane in America. But when they entered, Peter’s jaw hit the floor. 

 

The crafts inside were massive, both in height and width. Thor patted them and said, “They were modeled after Viking ships, the oars replaced with cannons and missiles. Though–” Thor looked around, “–Hela destroyed about a dozen of them.”

 

“These are  _ incredible _ !” Shuri grinned, asking Thor, “Can we go inside?”

 

“Of course! Come along, children.” Thor walked up the ramp, waving them along. Loki sighed and shook his head, trailing after his brother. 

 

They came to the main deck, and Shuri and Valkyrie immediately darted off to the cockpit. Peter glanced a the wall and asked, “What does this do?” 

 

Before his could pull the lever, Thor grabbed his hand. “What did I say at the beginning of this trip?” 

 

“Not to touch anything you don’t approve of.”

 

Loki rolled his eyes. “I didn’t think Stark would dump his child on us. Asgard has better thing to worry about than an overly-curious adolescent.”

 

Peter frowned and joined Shuri in the cockpit, where she was sitting the pilot’s seat. She spun in the chair and grinned. “ _ This is so great _ ! I love this! Asgard’s so cool. We should stay here forever!”

 

“Uh, May wouldn’t let me. She barely gave Mr. Stark permission to take me to Wakanda.”

 

Shuri laughed before calling out the cockpit door, “Can we take this baby for a spin?”

 

“Sounds great,” said Thor, walking in. “Can you fly it?”

 

Shuri shrugged. “I’ll figure it out. Plus, I have the best co-pilot! Let’s do this!”

 

She grasped the throttle lever, knocking it up a few notches. The hangar doors were wide open, showing off the clear blue sky of Asgard. Shuri let out a whoop and laughed, holding the steering wheel. “Let’s get this party started.”

 

“Hold on,” Thor advised, returning to the back. Peter followed him and mimicked Thor’s motion, bucking himself into a seat. The ship lurched back before whizzing into the air. Peter watched out the window as Shuri steered the ship above buildings and trees. Confused Asgardian citizens waved at the craft passing by.

 

Valkyrie spoke over the intercoms, “This damn fun!” Shuri flew in loops zig-zags, and Loki looked a little worse for wear. 

 

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Loki mumbled. He looked to Peter. “How are you doing this, Midgardian?”

 

“Well… I’m kind of used to swinging around… you know, getting dizzy and stuff.”

 

Loki grunted, “This must be the first thing you’re superior in –– keeping your lunch down when getting jostled around. Bravo.”

 

“Brother, don’t be so rude,” Thor said, though his voice held no conviction. He stood up once the ship flew levelly, intending to tell the pair that Loki was going to be sick (though that wouldn’t stop Valkyrie). Then, the ship took a sharp turn and threw Thor into his seat. Loki snickered, still struggling to keep nausea from his face. 

 

“Alright, boys. Let’s get the fun started,” Valkyrie said. “Shuri, dive straight down.”

 

“Okay… here we go!”

 

Thor began to recite an Asgardian prayer as Loki just closed his eyes, accepting death (for what seemed like the nth time).

 

*

 

Shuri was flying the craft high, and she loved every moment of it. Valkyrie, perhaps, was one of the most entertaining people she’s ever met. Valkyrie pointed down at the Asgardian palace, half of which was rubble. “You should have seen it,” she said, “when it was in is glory days.”

 

“What was it like?”

 

“Beautiful. The other valkyries and I used to walk the halls… admired the view and its beauty.” There was something wistful to Valkyrie’s voice, as if she was talking about a lost friend. Shuri purses her lips, deciding not to press. Valkyrie looked over to her and asked, “What’s Wakanda like?”

 

“Oh, it’s amazing — thanks to me, of course.” Shuri turned the wheel left, the ship tilting in that direction. Asgardian controls weren’t so different from Wakandan ones, save for some features missing like a coffee maker in the cockpit. 

 

Valkyrie smirked. “I want to visit one day.”

 

“We’ll welcome you with open arms,” Shuri said, grinning. 

 

“Ladies,” Thor said, opening the door. He stumbled as Shuri took a sharp right turn and continued, “You’re doing a nice job, Shuri, but I fear that my brother will hurl if we don’t land soon.”

 

Valkyrie rolled her eyes but smiled, obviously taking a degree of pleasure in Loki’s discomfort. Shuri sighed, “Is there somewhere I can land it without crushing anything?”

 

Thor gazes out the window before them and nodded, motioning to a building with a wide roof. “That’s a designated landing spot. You can park the craft there.”

 

“Alright. Buckle up, Your Highness,” she said, and Thor scrambled back as Shuri dove towards the rooftop.

 

Once they landed safely, Loki was the first off the ship. As Shuri walked down the ramp, he said, “With all due respect, Princess, I’m never going to ride in an aircraft piloted by you.”

 

Shuri laughed, shrugging nonchalantly. Valkyrie sling an arm around her shoulder and grinned. “I think she did a fantastic job, especially with all those twists and dives and—”

 

Loki glared. “Don’t remind me.”

 

“Wow.” Peter walked to the edge of the roof, looking over the ledge. “You can see all of Asgard.” Peter was right. Shuri saw the hangar they came from, the glimmering palace in all its might. The recovering marketplace was filled with eager buyers once again, and Shuri could smell the juicy boar kebabs, the sweet cinnamon buns, and the bitter coffee brewing. 

 

“Huh,” Thor hummed. “I used to come up here all the time to escape palace life and what-not.”

 

“You mean to skip lessons,” Loki said, his tone half-serious. He gave his brother a sidelong glance and cracked a small smile. 

 

Thor gestured to a small cottage by the market and said, “That’s the best tavern in Asgard.”

 

“I’d have to agree,” Valkyrie said. “Great mead. Really strong stuff. You two ever had Asgardian ale?” She turned to Peter and Shuri. 

 

“No…” Peter looked a bit flustered. “I’m too young to drink anything… yeah…”

 

“Neither can I,” replied Shuri. “I’m always willing—”

 

Thor shook his head. “I’m sorry, but I think T’Challa wouldn’t be happy if you were to drink underage.”

 

Valkyrie huffed and said, “Too bad. But, when you  _ can _ drink, come up to Asgard.”

 

“Cool, can I bring Peter?” Shuri threw an arm around the Queens-born teen, and he smiled awkwardly. 

 

Valkyrie eyed him and considered for a moment. “Sure, why not? The more the merrier.” She gave Thor a playful smirk. “You come too. We need to see who can hold their alcohol.”

 

Loki dryly cut in, “I’ll be as far from that scene as possible.”

 

“Good plan. You’d ruin the fun anyhow.”

 

Loki rolled his eyes and pointed to another short building a few doors down from the pub. “That’s a great bookshop if you ever need intellectual stimulation. I went there all the time.”

 

“Is that why you have no friends? You were hanging out with books all the time?” Valkyrie’s eyes lit up and she grinned with a vicious sort of mirth. 

 

Loki scowled. “I ought to—”

 

“What?” Valkyrie unsheathed Dragonfang, casually waving it around. “You ought to what, exactly?”

 

Loki eyed the sword and grumbled, “You don’t deserve to hear the plan.”

 

“Sure.” She tucked Dragonfang back in its sheath and said, “We’ll, I’m hungry. Any place for food and drinks, boys?”

 

Thor thought for a moment and said, “The restaurant across from the tavern. Best Asgardian food and pretty good drinks. Shall we go there?”

 

“Yeah!” Shuri modded. “I’m starving.” Peter’s stomach growled. “So is Peter, apparently.”

 

Peter glared at his stomach and said, “Let’s hope this food isn’t enchanted like last time.”

 

“No pessimism,” Thor began. “Positivity is the key—”

 

“We’re  _ not  _ doing this again,” Loki sighed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is finally over! I'm so sorry that it's been over four months since I last updated. Thank you all for waiting so patiently for the completion of Asgard Edition! I hope you enjoy!

The quintet (Peter thought that made them sound like a band. Maybe *NSYNC?) walked into the restaurant. The waitstaff made a great show of seat the two Asgardian royals and the former Valkyrie leader, pulling their chairs out, eagerly rattling off the specials of the day. 

 

Peter sat sandwiched between Thor and Shuri, Valkyrie just across from him. As they glanced at the menu, she asked, “So, kid, how’d you get your spider abilities?”

 

“Well, I make the web myself. You know, chemistry and all that good stuff…”

 

“Do all humans have this spider stuff?”

 

“Oh, well… no. I got bit by a — um — radioactive spider.”

 

Valkyrie snorted, “Quite a tale.”

 

“Well, to be fair, don’t Asgardians know about a giant snake that wraps around the world or something.” Peter felt pride swell in his chest, satisfied that he’d come up with the story of the serpent (George? Jergahunder? Jormungandr? Jormungandr). 

 

Thor slapped him in the back, clearly proud as well. “You’ve read up on mythology.”

 

Peter rubbed the sore skin, almost one hundred percent sure that Thor left a large handprint in his wake. “Yeah, we did a mythology unit in English class so… yeah. That’s why I know about Jormungandr.”

 

“Sloppy pronunciation,” Loki said, placing his menu down. When Thor nudged him and gave Loki a  _ look _ , he added flatly, “Good effort.”

 

“So,” Valkyrie began, “how strong are you exactly?”

 

“Well,” Peter said, “I held one of those passenger walkways for planes up… and I had to hold two halves a boat together. I don’t know  _ exactly _ how strong I am, though.”

 

“Can all mortals do that?”

 

“No, definitely not.”

 

Valkyrie huffed as the waitress serving them came around, ready to take their orders. Peter squinted at the menu, finally looking at it for the first time. He couldn’t pronounce half of the items on it. When the waitress asked for his order, he simply got a cup of coffee and a steak.

 

“So, not all mortals are strong like you?” Valkyrie seemed fascinated by the prospect of Peter’s abilities, which made him feel useful for the first time. He got to educate the all-mighty Valkyrie on the simple ways of humans.

 

“No. I’m kind of the anomaly. You know, along with Captain America, the Winter Soldier, the Hulk, Scarlet Witch — we’re all part of the genetically-messed-up-team.”

 

Valkyrie nodded along and then asked, “Do you think you could be — possibly — stronger than an Asgardian?”

 

Loki snorted and answered instead. “I doubt it. If you or my brother were to do anything to him, I think he’d snap like a twig.”

 

“Hey, you don’t know that,” Peter weakly defended, though he was sure the god was right.

 

“Well,” Loki said, leaning back, “is there any way to test that?”

 

Thor tapped his fingers on the table before he nodded. “Arm-wrestling. That’s how Steve and I settled who was stronger.”

 

“Sounds fun,” Valkyrie said. “You in, toddler?”

 

Peter looked around, gulped, and nodded. “Yeah.”

 

Shuri, who had been listening so intently, grinned. “I’ve got to record this.” She winked at Peter. “For research purposes, of course.”

 

Over the time he’d spent with her, Peter learned that when she said  _ research _ like that, it was almost always synonymous for  _ embarrassment _ . “So, how does this work?”

 

“You put your arm up like this, and we have to try and push each other’s arm onto the table.” Peter leaned his elbow against the wooden surface, Valkyrie mimicking his actions. Loki and Thor moved back, giving the pair more room as Shuri used one of her kimoyo beads to bring up a video camera. 

 

“Care to count it off?” Valkyrie asked Thor.

 

“Three… two… one.”

 

Peter felt like Valkyrie was going to break his arm as he struggled against her Asgardian muscles. He wondered, in the back of his mind, if Loki had a strength like this. But, even if he didn’t, he’d still find other ways to beat competition, so Peter figured it didn’t matter. Sweat rolled down his brow as he arm bent, almost touching the table. 

 

Finally, his Spidey-strength gave in and his arm collapsed. Valkyrie whooped, drawing more attention than their little group had been. She threw her fist into the air and said, “I need a victory shot.”

 

“You did well,” Thor said, patting Peter’s back. 

 

Shuri nodded. “Less embarrassing than I thought, which was a bit disappointing. But good job, Peter.”

 

Loki picked under his nails. “I’m hungry. Do you think our food will be ready yet?”

 

“Patience, brother.”

 

“Says you of all people.”

 

The food arrived almost as soon as Loki had complained. The delicious smell of meats and sauces made Peter’s mouth water. He cut into his steak, and let the juices fill his mouth. God, Peter was going to marry this cow.

 

The food really was damn worth it. 

  
  



End file.
